Many people will tell a woman that divorce is not the end of the road and life continues after divorce. They would be right. Divorce is a separation and dissolution of a marriage. It’s a change from the life you knew. It’s a tearing down that affects you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Mentally, you have to let go of that person and all of the thoughts that go with having them in your life. Physically, you are not around them day to day anymore. Emotionally, the love that flowed when you were together has to die or died. Spiritually, now there’s the part that I struggle with because my spirit sees only good in someone.
The spirit is the highest essence of the person. I know in the physical realm or this life as we know it, that the person is just carrying out what they need to for their own and my own growth.
Part of my experience is learning to let go. Divorce is a letting go experience. It’s letting go of what doesn’t work anymore so that the new can take its place.
It’s such a painful process but could be less so if the parties were willing to do so amicably. Alas, maturity and life experience is usually lacking and instead jealousy, anger, pettiness, vengeance and score settling takes free rein.
I’ve felt so much pain for the last several years. I’ve tried to run away and not confront it but it’s a freight train that I can’t outrun. I have to stand and feel what I do. The experience calls to mind that of a woman having a baby, when it’s time it has to come out despite the terror and pain that she feels.
That’s where I am standing. I have to feel the pain and I know that it has to end sometime. It’s only a matter of time. Everything that I knew about the person and about myself has been laid bare. What I see about myself is how much strength I have. Fears surface and have been surfacing but my belief in myself grows each day. I try to hold onto that.
It hasn’t been easy. I had hoped if I ever found myself in this position that I could stand on my own. I’ve needed more help from day one. That has been the hardest. Asking for help. It has humbled me. I pray and ask for guidance daily to help me land on my feet again. It’s taking the longest time and testing my patience. I want it so badly.
I know that there’s so much more waiting for me. When this experience is over, I’ll still be standing and so will you my sisters. I’ll be stronger for it since I chose it. Whether I did so consciously or unconsciously it showed up in my life because I called it to me.
I’m ready to choose again and this time I choose blessings, many of them and lots of laughter in my life and people who freely choose to be in my life.